Rides past and present

This is the 2009 Kawasaki Concours - the biggest and most powerfulist of the machines that I own. I guess it'll do 0-60 in 2.9 seconds, but I piss myself before I ever get there. Oh well. It handles the interstates 'like a boss' as the kids say, and I love it. Ergonomically, however, it's, well, got a couple of issues. I bought it in "Bright Ass Red" because I was sick of pretending to be sane. Now people know otherwise.

The BMW F650GS. One damned fine machine all the way around. Good on and off road, though mostly I just crash it off road. As a dual sport you need to have special tools (see picture, lower left) to adjust components that come out of spec. Make sure to use the BMW brand tool, though, or you'll void the warranty. This one belonged to a friend, Raptorman, who committed suicide years ago already. A good man with a good heart, he is missed.

This is another current ride, and longest owned bike, if you don't count the 49cc stand-up two stroke that was recently stolen. When I got her, she was school bus yellow, rusted and wouldn't idle. The primary chain is still shot, and she sounds like she's gargling marbles under 1,500rpm... The color is a bit better. Not the best 550 out there, but this one is mine, so it's obviously the best.

Some kind of scooter with an 'X' in the name.
This snappy little cracker was the first bike I ever owned. Well, first motorized, 2-wheeled death trap. The cops threatened to take it away when they caught me without a license, registration or any of the other garbage you need to ride anything with a motor in Minnesota. Virginia doesn't require all that nonsense... which means the kids prowl the streets at night and rip these things off as soon as they can find them. It was stolen within 24 hours of being left on the curb after hiding under a cover close to the house for months.

Cb450sc 1985 Honda Nighthawk 450
This is the crazy little thing that started it all. I didn't know jack about bikes when I got this baby, but I convinced the guy that it'd be cool if I just drove it home, at night, in the cold, without a motorcycle endorsement. I stalled it pretty much everywhere, and came close to dying a number of times. Little did I know at the time that it was only firing on one cylinder because of a blown head gasket. That's how I started wrenching. And, no, that's not oil, gas or anything important under the bike, just water. Sorry to disappoint. It did shoot oil all over the place in that exact same spot once, though.

The 'Death Trap' Honda 1971 (or 73) c70 Passport
This little tart came close to killing me every time I got on. The brakes were worthless, as was the suspention. It was like riding a hammock, there was almost no control, but it would hit 50mph, which was terrifying. It wouldn't start when I bought it for $100, and ran great when I sold it for double that, it still looked that terrible, though. I hope whoever bought it is still alive, he seemed like a nice enough guy. If you've never ridden one of these, get on one just for laughs, but make sure your insurance is paid up.
A gratuitous duplicate of the cb550k

Back when the 'Green Machine was the 'Yellow Machine.' Just like a school bus, and it kind of sounded like it. This is just one of... four or five more of these things that have come and gone. This is the original. I should have kept a better motor.